Falling Apart

Broke the sharpener lid from my lip liner to get the blade out. It’s sat on my leg and I’m in the library at college. I don’t want to do this, but I need to.
I’m staying in a hotel this weekend with some friends, there’s a hot tub and pool and I do not want to be in a bikini or costume in front of them – they’re all pretty and thin and beautiful and confident and funny and perfect. Plus, my scars will be on show, and I have no idea how to hide or make up an excuse for them.
My friend cuts too (the one I got drunk with and told everything to). We have a promise to tell each other when we do it, not to tell each other to stop or anything, but for someone to know I guess. She’s not the first to know about it, but she’s the only who knows that I carried on. There’s people before who think I’ve stopped and been clean for nearly 8 months but that’s a lie. Anyway, I don’t know whether to tell her this time or not, she’s finally begun to cheer up for the day and I can’t bring her down with me. So, yeah, today’s been shit. But it is only 10:48.